Blurbs!?

Every month goes by, each and every one out of the 12, and then the years, but i guess sometimes we realize how much changes in a single month.

May their be 30 or 31 days in each, the changes and differences in between them are some times amusing! 

There is so much to learn and gain in every single day of each month that when you end up loosing something or realizing  you’ve learned and that lesson is over it creates a shock is peoples lives.

I’ve had to lean and to gain. Everyone has weather they see it or not, but this time, im actually taking it all in, trying to understand the bigger meaning.

Last year, i had earned a new family, a new dad i loved with all my heart, a new mom to fight with but who i cared for no matter what, a couple more of amazing brothers who are very bright in their own particular way, and i had found the love of my life. I had a new family new set of grandparents i forgot to call every once in a while, a new set of uncles that worried about me, cousins, friends and people who have been a huge key in my life and have gotten me this far. 

That year, made me so much of what i am today, i grew up. Understood what it was to be cared for, looked after, and loved. I got to see the picture that maybe not every one was out to get me, and that maybe i was really not alone. A year that is filled with so many memories and feelings i wont get over ever, and they will always be true to my heart.

At the end of it, i lost two people that meant the world, that dad that taught me i was so much stronger than i thought i was, that i should shoot for my dreams and always get my way. So i lost him to that accident that changed my life as much as it may have done to many others but i had love i had his and that boy that was so broken i had to put his pieces back together just as much as his dad had done with me..

I had that family, i had that best friend by my side, i had that boyfriend that was as supportive to me as i was to him, i had that emptiness inside, but i had someone there to help me through it. 

As of today i’ve leaned everything happens for a reason, that in a month i’ve lost contact with that “Love” of my life, and that mom i had so many fights and good times with, i stoped getting those amazing hugs from that cute grandpa and those awesome talks with that lovely grandma. I lost the good times with the brothers, but the most important thing is that i didnt loose that love for them. Most importantly i learned to love and over look anything. 

In that year that special person taught me to live, that a doubt can cost more than the truth, he taught me all from philosophy to how to love him, that love could be so great, that it could change a simple smile and turn it into a master piece for the heart. Learned that most lawyers dont know a thing about love, but what he didnt show me was the how to forget it all. 

I think this month for me was that, exactly realizing that i wont ever forget. That this scar will carry with me every where, that emptiness, that whole in my heart will stay and it wont go away, but i know ill learn to keep walking forward with all of this, and soon enough i wont feel it as much.

After this i realized, i, i’m not alone. I forgot i have my own family, i have my own friends that will help me trough this every single step of the way. No matter how close or far they might be they are there when i need them. That just like i’ve learned to love and over look things, so have they. That they also see how strong that dad believed me to be, that they also want to see me reach my dreams goals, and in the end that happiness every single sunrise to sunset. 

This is what im most grateful for, the fact that they are there, that i have them with me in the good and bad, that no matter how many wrongs they always have that right in the back of their minds, and open back up to me trying to make me at least smile. 

So im proud of myself for making this far, and sad that at some point i believed myself incapable of being strong enough to keep going without a couple people in my life who i now see they didn’t even deserve the right to be part of it in the first place.

So this has been a learning month, a happy month, a month when i feel as free and enthusiastic and alive as i was when i was thirteen, but with a lot more miles on my back.

The last couple of weeks i’ve been noticing that people contradict them selfs on the age factor in the subject of love. they start telling people teenagers that they cant get married until after they are done with universities and have jobs and stuff, that getting engaged is a crazy idea, that things could change, so im about to show my point of view of all of this and who ever feels like it can get to their own conclusions. 

Now that we are on the 21st century i would think the freedom to love, is one of the greatest accomplishments in modern society, we’ve earned the right to choose who to love, who to marry and who to be the person that we spend the rest of our lives with.

After any right minded person has met a fine individual who makes them feel happy and safe, he or she is in the right to make a move, the start of a functional relationship. This a a commitment which needs to be reaffirmed every day. This is a choice, not an obligation.

Second level in this, after one is sure that this person and this relationship is the right one, that which they truly want for their entire life time, they make another commitment, which in my case is the step where i differ form most people, the engagement.

The exact meaning of this is: An engagement  is a promise to marry, and also the period of time between proposal and marriage – which may be lengthy or trivial.

This is I quote “a promise to marry” weather people make it long or short is a promise, the same promise and commitment you take everyday with your beloved partner. It does absolutely not change anything more than a promise in a relationship, everything is the same just because its the same promise, the to love and to hold in sickness and in health protocol, its the same thing. Let me explain it isn’t some thing im against cause i am not, its something that people need to quit being scared of because it’s a normal choice in ones life.

The age factor in this is what freaks people out, the part of which im against because for the longest time in history parents would marry their children at the earliest of ages, girls from as little as 14, and in present times most accidents and pregnancies in teenagers happen at the age of 16. Kids who are younger and live with their partners already and have no intentions of marriage. So for me its crazy that when there are teens in their right minds who are 18 or so and want to follow protocol, and get engaged people freak out.

For me as i’ve said it’s a promise, one which gives a bit of security in each persons life, that means “Hey im not walking away from you im here to take a stand and in the end i want to marry you.” no one has said it has to be in the next ten minutes of their life, cause it can take from months to years before marriage happens but so have that sense of security in one’s relationship i find it awesome enough.

Weather grownups like it or not in the end our lives are ours and not theirs and i believe they should start being more supporting and remembering the times when they themselves where young and in love. Start thinking outside the box, and i know many people think like me, so take a stand and shout out, your life your choice!

I’m SO ready for you to end! Tell you the truth,

This was a year of changes a year of great teachings and knowledge.

I got to experience life to the fullest I admit that, it was the year that taught me how hard it is to actually grow up and begin to appreciate things.

I got to understand and live to the fullest a special kind of love, a family love. I will carry with me for the longest time the moments and memories that this year had to give me. 

I got to feel how hard it is to watch things change right before our eyes, but to understand that though it’s hard there are many good things that can come out of it! 

Biggest example of that for me is baby jack! The sweetest little nephew I could have ever imagined. Makes you see things in such a different perspective. I watched the full circle of life fold out beginning and then end.

A year of great loss, grief, sadness but I’m proud of myself for staying strong.

Lost things I never expected to, but gained things I never thought I would. Gets tears in my eyes, not only of sadness but of happiness. I’m very grateful for what I have, I think after this one 2012 will be a piece of cake! (Hopefully) but you never know let’s see what destiny has in stored for me.

Mr.2011 I salute you, thank you, and put you to rest as a year I will never forget.

Mrs. 2012 I’m ready for you, bring it on!